Wisdom Practice: Negotiating with Kokoro

For centuries women throughout the world have been negotiating in an uneven playing field. They lack a proven system attuned to their special talents, experience, and wisdom which they can make their own. This section provides such a system. It is designed to level the negotiation playing field and provide a foundation for a new collaborative paradigm applying the wisdom of women in balance and harmony with men.

Introduction:

  1. Competing against Kokoro—What happens when we assume Kokoro is an adversary and the goal is to test our wits against Kokoro? What happens when Kokoro suddenly disappears—ninja style—and there is no Kokoro?
  2. Kokoro is an Ally and Partner with the inquirer in negotiations with 3rd parties—Kokoro can become at once a friend, mentor, coach, and hidden player in all your important negotiations. 
  3. Neutralizing “The Shadow Game”) and “Shadow Players who seek to ally and weaken us by engaging our own Inner Shadow—The world today is increasingly dominated by shadowy forces. Can you spot 10 important tactics or “moves”? See if you can discover how to apply Kokoro to neutralize each one of these Shadow plays. Hint: Find the exact opposite of each Shadow play that moves you toward the Light.
  4. The “Inner “Game: Negotiating with our own Kokoro—Enlisting Kokoro in negotiation with our own Shadow—You can actually turn your negotiations with your own Shadow into an “Inner Game of Chess.” Click here to understand how to play.
  5. Enlisting Kokoro to ally with our “Higher Self or “ Essential Nature”)(hover) (Each of us possesses a Higher Self, or in Zen terms of “Essential Nature.” Using Kokoro we can obtain first hints of this extraordinary capability.)
  6. Enlisting Kokoro to negotiate and ally with the Higher Self (Heart Mind) of the World, the Great Light (hover) What if we discover this is our very own Heart/Mind?

# 1—Competing with Kokoro.

In our world of adversaries and competition, we are trained in a winner takes all mentality, little realizing that every move in a negotiation is a gate to cultivate character. A Leopard can indeed change its spots. Testing our wits against Kokoro is thus a wonderful opportunity to discover something deeply valuable and unexpected. What is that?

 A Case

  1. The famous koan of Bodhidharma‘s meeting with Emperor Wu highlights the fundamental difference between worldly merit (gaining, winning, spending, etc.) and insight. Bodhidharma, a legendary Buddhist monk, met with Emperor Wu of Liang, a devout Buddhist who had funded numerous temples and monasteries. When the Emperor asked Bodhidharma about the merit he had gained from these actions, Bodhidharma famously replied, “No merit.” The Emperor, taken aback, then asked, “What is the highest meaning of the holy truths?” Bodhidharma’s response, “Vast emptiness, nothing holy,” further confounded the Emperor. Finally, when asked, “Who is this standing before me?”, Bodhidharma simply replied, “I don’t know.” These exchanges illustrate the Zen perspective that true enlightenment transcends conventional notions of merit and even the self. 

Here’s a more detailed breakdown:

No Merit:

The Emperor believed his temple-building and patronage of Buddhism had accrued merit. However, Bodhidharma countered that such actions, being worldly, did not contribute to spiritual realization. True merit, according to Zen, lies in the understanding of one’s own Buddha-nature, not in external acts. 

Vast Emptiness, Nothing Holy:

This statement challenges the concept of inherent holiness or sacredness in the world. It points towards the Buddhist understanding of emptiness (sunyata), where things lack inherent, fixed existence and are constantly changing. 

“I don’t know”:

This seemingly simple answer is a powerful statement about the limitations of language and conceptual understanding in grasping ultimate truth. It suggests that true wisdom transcends intellectual knowing and arises from direct experience and insight. 

Source: Pacific Zen Institute

Tests and Examples:

  1. Ask Kokoro any challenge question of the first variety. Bodhidharma’s response, or variations of it, are sufficient.
  2. Examples: Kokoro Negotiations

# 2—Allying with Kokoro in Important Negotiations with 3rd parties

—Kokoro can become at once your ally, mentor, coach, and a hidden team player in all your important negotiations.

Setting up to Succeed. Stop! Before you engage with 3rd parties, pause, and take the following preliminary actions, over which you have 100% control. In times of peace, the wise prepare for combat. The following actions will immediately give you the initiative:

—Know Yourself: Complete IRQ Base Line Questionnaire (insert link)

—Now prepare your Higher Mission Statement (insert link) for the overall negotiation. A negotiator without a clear higher mission is like a captain of a ship without a rudder.

—Next prepare a Supplemental Supporting Mission Statement for a specific encounter. If your higher Mission statement has integrity, all that is necessary in subsequent actions is to align the supplemental missions to support it. We call this “vertical integrity or coherence.” If there is coherence between your immediate mission in a specific negotiation and your higher mission in this situation, you can be certain that you are on the right track,

—Prepare an Action Log (insert link) which can serve both as a game plan, record, and guide to best next moves.

—Use Field Notes (insert link) to track and measure your progress.

—Organize a cohort; track and measure its progress using the Field Notes.

Training and Coaching with Kokoro. Feel free to ask any question, consult with any guide, and cultivate the Wisdom—Resilience Practices you deem most useful to you. Since the practices are holographic—meaning each principle or move contains essential parts of all the others—what is important is to select a specific behavioral skill or part of the Resilient Negotiation system that you believe, or your intuition tells you. is vitally important. Focus there over a period of weeks. See if you can detect a Compounding Multiplier Effect with other practices. Track and measure the value to you.

Please Read Piloting Through Chaos—The Explorers Mind (Book 1) or listen to Module # 14 on Resilient Negotiation (pdf format) in the Resilient Community Leadership course

Beginning—Please refer to the 5 Rings illustration and discussion.Complete Tasks in Rings # 1-3 in the indicated order for any negotiation of importance to you. Ask Kokoro ™ for advice on each step. Ask Kokoro for its advice on early horizon risks and opportunities. See the Big Picture.

# 3. Neutralizing “The Shadow Game”) and “Shadow Players who seek to ally and weaken us by engaging our own Inner Shadow.

The “Shadow” is a term invented by Carl G. Jung, the great Swiss psychiatrist who referred to the part of our psyche that is largely unconscious—a source of hidden desires, fears, conceits, trauma, emotions, rage, but also and at the same time enormous power and beauty.—(hover). The world today is increasingly dominated by shadowy forces. Can you spot 10 important tactics or “moves”? See if you can discover how to apply Kokoro to neutralize each one of these Shadow plays. Hint: Find the exact opposite of each Shadow play that moves you toward the Light.

Practices

Honing your Shadow Deciphering capability. Take every important principle or move in Resilient Negotiation (based on integrity and Big Heart Intelligence (BHI)) and state the very opposite, i.e. that which undermines integrity and narrows our perspective so we become vulnerable to aggression, greed, and selfishness. Pay attention! You are entering the lair of the Shadow players.

Resources:

# 4: Enlisting Kokoro in negotiations with our own “Inner Shadow.” (Inner Game of Chess)

Fundamentals:

Practices:

Examples: Play an Inner Game of Chess

# 5– Enlisting Kokoro to ally with our “Higher Self or “ Essential Nature”)

Each of us possesses a Higher Self, or in Zen terms our “Essential Nature.” Using Kokoro we can obtain first hints of this extraordinary capability.) (5) Click here.

Practices:

A Personal Account—Kokoro Multiplier Effect in Action

# 6— Enlisting Kokoro to negotiate and ally with the Higher Self (Heart Mind) of the World, the Great Light

What if we discover this Great Light is our very own Heart/Mind?

Beginning Practices

Advanced Practices

Resources:

Certification as a Professional Coach in Resilient Negotiation, please click here (coming soon).