The central presumption of the Separation Hypothesis is that we are alone, separate, fragile, and vulnerable. This premise of Mind shows up in our attitude toward what we truly Need in life? In fact, if we examine closely what our real survival “needs” are relatively modest—air, water, food, shelter, adequate health care. Most all else may be desirable, but we will not die immediately for the lack of them. Professional negotiators get into trouble and make unwise, even fatal decisions by confusing “want” with “need.”
Three common traps are to attempt to control:
Results
Other people’s behaviors
Timing
AUDIO ON HAVING FEW NEEDS
Practice:
- Don’t waste your precious Negotiator’s Budget in trying to control any of these. It is a path to misery. Focus rather on what you can manage, if not completely control, ie. actions you take, and how you respond to your thoughts, story lines, anxieties, inspirations, and other productions of your own Mind.
- 3 times this week you spotted that you were heading into Need but caught yourself, escaped the undertow, and moved into a more neutral, detached mode of behavior;
- 3 times this week you avoided the three Negotiator’s traps, and
- Tracked the Outcomes in your Field Notes.