The “Inner “Game: Negotiating with our own Kokoro—Enlisting Kokoro in negotiation with our own Shadow—You can actually turn your negotiations with your own Shadow into an “Inner Game of Chess.” Click here to understand how to play.
# 4: Enlisting Kokoro in negotiations with our own “Inner Shadow.” (Inner Game of Chess)
Fundamentals:
- Respect and appreciate the skill of your opponent.
- The Shadow’s Negotiation is continuous and often hidden. What is the most dangerous negotiation you will ever be in? Answer: the negotiation you will not see.
- This requires continuous vigilance and awareness.
- We needn’t fear our Shadow. It can be a source of power, beauty, and creativity.
- Negotiating with the Shadow needn’t be exhausting or depressing. Just see it as “randori” which in Japanese means “free play.” Imagine it as an inner game of chess.
- The Art of the Inner Game is to unlock the Shadow’s creative positive potential, while neutralizing its self-destructive tendencies.
- Mastering the secrets of negotiating with the Shadow holds the key to transforming our character and destiny.
Practices:
- Actually, any move that builds awareness, integral resilience or enhances wisdom reduces the grip of the Shadow. You can verify this principle for yourself by seriously tracking your progress in Field Notes. So saying, here are some especially effective practices:
- Not believing your own thoughts or emotions. The Shadow loves to spin stories accompanied by emotions. Just because they’re “yours” doesn’t mean you need to believe them!
- Explore all important assumptions. What are the data? Can you be 100% certain the stories you are telling yourself are true? Drop the story or assumptions. What if in fact the exact opposite might be equally true? If so, why torment yourself in this way?
- Keep an ongoing Resilient Negotiator’s Log of each play, what you learned, and the outcomes.
- Cultivate your power of detachment. In a sense the Shadow’s “moves” are bubbles of the mind and will evaporate.
- Paying Forward is the royal move. Everything recalibrates. Make Paying Forward our practice for one week, and observe how your skill in negotiating with the Shadow develops. Do you understand why?
Examples: Play an Inner Game of Chess